Love/Hate

I posted this very same thing on my Instagram account today and figured it would be a good thing to add to my blog depot too.  So sorry if you're seeing it twice :)

Novella here today. Sorry. I have a love-hate relationship with OB appointments. And truly, after Clark, I don’t think it’ll ever fade. I LOVE my OB — love that she lets me come in as often as I want, doesn’t hesitate when I ALWAYS ask her to pull in the portable ultrasound and take a peek, love that she will reply to my text message questions at any time, love the support that she has and continues to provide.  But man, I HATE the feeling I get leading up to my appointments. I hate the pit in my stomach feeling that we’re going to get bad news, that they’re going to see something that shouldn’t be there on the ultrasound, that we’re going to hear that crippling, devastating word again: fatal.  My heart races and pounds and I am sick to my stomach walking in every.single.time. But I also get this feeling in between appointments too, when my mind races and ventures to those scary what ifs. There truly is no escaping it…and that sucks. But, as I just felt today, leaving her office after a great appointment, great heart rate (160s!!), great little peek on the ultrasound and no fluid (or anything else for that matter!) where it shouldn’t be…I sighed a big sigh of relief and told myself that everything, all of the stomach pits and nausea and all of that is worth it for a good report, good day right there and right now.  And to focus on the good NOW. So I’m going to try and do that. And it’s hard…because in two more weeks I will start this journey allllllll over again when my next appointment creeps up. But staying positive, reminding myself THIS IS WORTH IT, and in a little over 5 months I’ll hopefully be holding that sweet little rainbow babe in my arms and sighing the biggest sigh of relief I ever have.  Holding that feeling in my sights 🌈😘