21 weeks.

21 weeks today.

Every week -- heck, every day with you Clark man -- is a gift.  And I'm cherishing it -- SAVORING IT -- as much as I can.  Yes, I'm sad at what is likely to come, but I am also celebrating YOU HERE with me now as much as I can.  There are so many unknowns in the future and I'm trying not to let that consume me (because gah it's sooooo easy to do) and just celebrate and enjoy the here and now.

I know I just posted a little update on Sunday night...but we are officially 21 weeks today and I had to keep with my posts and share another one!

I mean, not much new to report from my Sunday post -- I did get to see my OB yesterday and it was great -- for nothing else just to talk.  She really is my medical rock for this and I would just be lost without her.  Man, if you don't have a doc like this in your corner: GO FIND ONE.  It helps SOOOOOO MUCH when you're in a shit situation that you never thought you'd be in.  I didn't learn anything new -- did get to see Mr. Clark on the ultrasound really quick...which his heart rate looked suppppppper slow on the ultrasound but was in the 160s on the doppler which my OB said it can look slow when I just have laid down. So who freaking knows what's going on.  I did ask her about some of my bloodwork that has come through but basically it's all been negative for any environmental factors/exposures so I guess ruling those things out.  Anyways, it was just good to chat for a bit.

Little Clark seems to continue to grow because my belly is getting bigger and bigger as the days go on.  Probably a combo of being #4, my history of big babies, and alllllll of that fluid...but I've felt more like I did at the end of my pregnancies with the past few kiddos than midway through the 2nd trimester.  Oy.  I still haven't felt any movement -- I mean I'll *think* I feel something but I know it's not it...it's just bizarre to be 21 weeks and as big as I am with literally NO movement.  Crazy.  I do hope I can start feeling him move around in there soon...that would just be wonderful.

That's about all I've got to report for 21 weeks...still loving on this sweet boy and anxious to see him on the ultrasound screen again tomorrow...and perhaps some light will be shed with test results later this week with what's going on.  Anyways, much love to my sweet little man at 21 weeks...here's to each and every day we get with you and onto 22 weeks sweet boy!